When the Truth Hits – A Week of Revelations

This week has completely overwhelmed me. Just as I had finished my blog post „Facing the Past: My Story with Paddy,“ which was published as planned yesterday, life threw me into a new chapter that I had not yet processed.

On Monday, I learned from my mother that Lea would remain in the care facility she had been admitted to two weeks ago. Not long ago, we were told her condition was still too good for this facility, which only accepts terminal patients in their last weeks of life. The decision that she would stay meant that her condition had deteriorated so significantly that she likely had a maximum of six weeks left. A 50-year-old woman slowly dying. It is tragic, but I am relieved. The brain tumor has turned Lea into a shadow of her former self over the past two years. She can no longer walk, can barely move her hands, and the most horrific part: she can no longer speak. No one knows how much of her is still present in her trapped body. In this case, death is a release.

Paddy’s World Falls Apart

This news spread quickly within the family. I immediately knew that Paddy would take it much harder than I did. Lea is his sister, his last close relative, as both of his parents have already passed away. So, I was not surprised when he showed up at my office on Monday afternoon and asked if I had time for a smoke break. I did. That is what should distinguish the second labor market from the open economy: having time for conversations, especially in serious moments.

We went outside, and Paddy was visibly shaken. He had slept little and cried a lot. As we talked about Lea, we inevitably came to discuss her partner, Tom. A toxic, manipulative man. Since Lea’s illness, the family has begun to piece together disturbing truths about him. Not only is he toxic, but there is strong evidence that he is also a pedophile. Much suggests that he abused children. And Lea? She covered for him.

A Family Secret Revealed

And then it happened. In slow motion, I realized that Paddy did not know that Lea herself had been a victim of our uncle for years. And instead of remaining silent like a „good“ family member, I asked, on this very day, „You do know that your sister was also a victim of abuse, right?“ The moment the words left my mouth, my brain was already screaming, „Oh shit!“ I watched as Paddy’s world collapsed.

It was a truth that needed to come out at some point. But not like this. Not on the same day that he was already struggling with the impending death of his sister. I saw him break at that moment. And I couldn’t just leave him alone with this shock. So, I told him everything I knew. And Paddy, in turn, found pieces of his own memories that fit seamlessly into the puzzle. We took our time talking, but eventually, we had to return to work. Yet, Paddy now had a hole in his soul that would not heal quickly.

Therapy as a Lifeline

On Tuesday, he returned. As soon as he entered my office, tears were already streaming down his face. „Smoke break?“ I asked before even saying „hello.“ He just nodded. Outside, everything poured out of him. „My whole life is a lie. Everything I thought I knew about my family was wrong. I feel like they deliberately gave me a false picture. Or was I just too stupid to see the truth?“

I know this feeling. I know what it’s like when your own identity collapses. And I knew that this was the moment when no bullshit would help. So, I addressed what had happened between us as children. I chose my words carefully, avoiding victim-perpetrator dynamics, and emphasized what science confirms: We were children. Neither of us is to blame. There is nothing we need to be ashamed of.

An Unexpected Healing

Paddy surprised me. He admitted that it had burdened him all his life. That he had always felt like a perpetrator. But his words and his open emotions healed something in me as well. It was as if an old emotional fracture that had never properly healed was suddenly corrected. It was a beautiful, almost magical feeling.

Paddy asked me to help him get into therapy as soon as possible. I see that he is ready. But he is also fragile. So, it needs to happen quickly. Next Monday, I will try to get him admitted as a patient at my therapy clinic. By doing this, I am not just helping him but also myself. I want to let go of this responsibility. I am not taking anything away from him that he can do himself. But I cannot stand by idly when someone is falling. Especially not when I was the one who pushed him off the cliff.